That one girl. [entries|friends|calendar] CheLsea Bitches best believe [ website | That myspace crazzeee ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[30 Jun 2009|12:19pm] “You always hear people say they stayed together too long in a bad relationship. Well, for the longest time I never thought as my relationship as being bad, I just thought that love was something you were allowed to fall in & out of, you know, peaks & valleys. But, after a while the peaks get lower & further apart & then one day you find yourself wondering, is this who I really am, someone who has taken up a permanent residence in the valley? Or is this just who I am with this person? And then you ask yourself, maybe there is another version of my life, of myself, that’s a happier one.” - The Story of Us

Maria mena- Just hold me. [21 Oct 2008|03:17pm] Comfortable as I am, I need your reassurance Comfortable as you are, You count the days But if I wanted silence I would whisper If I wanted loneliness I'd choose to go If I liked rejection I'd audition And if I didn't love you, you would know So why can't you just hold me, how come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care? You say you see the light now at the end of this narrow hall I wish it didn't matter I wish I didn't give you all But if I wanted silence I would whisper If I wanted loneliness I'd choose o go If I liked rejection I'd audition And if I didn't love you, you would know So why can't you just hold me How come it's so hard? Do you like to see me broken? Why do I still care? Poor little misunderstood baby No one likes a sad face But I can't remember life without him I think I did have good days I'm sure I did have good days So why?

[21 Feb 2008|06:44pm] reading this..[not recent entries] i miss who i used to be.

1 [20 Feb 2008|09:08pm] it's not that same.. maybe that's why i'm not the same..

[28 Nov 2007|11:34pm] AUNTIE CHELSEA!!! Fiinallly. I am an aunt to a beautiful baby girl..Pictures soon! Chloe Ann Martin Nov.26th 2007 8 pounds 7 ounces (tubs) I love her already, and mal still looks gorgeous.. that bitch. And Mark picked me up from school early and we went to see her but mal was knocked out. so we just chilled in the hospital room and seriously had so much fun. and the next day was even better.. he even wanted to go see the baby. Things between us are getting so good, its unbelievable. I dont even know who we are anymore hahah. But yes lifes good. Im happy. yay!

2 [20 Nov 2007|04:08pm] Please God, Just let me get over him. I never thought i would be one of those stupid girls again.. but here i go again. I wish i was strong. I wish i could breath without him. Im sick of hurting mentally and physically. I don't deserve any of it, no matter what i've done to him. I try to go out with other guys, I try to just move on, But there he is.. I just want him to change. Please. I pray to be able to let him go, But what i really want is for things to just work between us.. I need help. I've lost everything..

[26 Oct 2007|12:17am] A fucking miracle? I think we thank God for this one.. because there is no other way. Makes you really start respecting and appreciating what you have <3

[10 Sep 2007|11:26pm] I've never been as scared in my life, as i was today. I honestly thought i was going to die. The only thing i tried to breath and say was that i'd rather be dead, if you are leaving me anyways. It was the comfort of a friends voice, who said no matter what chels, you didn't deserve that. But i still find it hard to believe. It's always the ones I love hurting me, and after today, I don't know how they can do it, Because after watching the only thing that ever mattered in my life, shed a tear because of me, I wanted my heart to stop beating, Because at that moment, that's all i felt i deserved.

[03 Jun 2007|11:40pm] got a letter from my babayy <3 i was literally screaming on my front yard lmao. He is the most adorable thing, and i am pretty fucking luckyyy. He wrottee and i quotee "And i'm real serious about getting married after you finish school. I'd love to spend my life with you. Honestly I aint never been so happy and comfortable around a girl in my life." hmmm 67 more days.. & i'm going with his mom to go get him fa shooo <3 oh shit oh shitt. I love my life.. just not the situation right now :[

[24 May 2007|03:55pm] So this whole my boyfriend being gone thing.. gets harder everyday. I mean i'm used to being with this boy, every single day, From when i get out of school, until I go to sleep. And now it's been 3 and a half weeks. And i still have 9 and a half to go. "mark said to tell you.. he means what he promised you yesterday" idkk.. this boy = <3 He's my bestfriend, but at the same time.. the boyfriend i get to bitch at when im in a bad mood. We are like the same person, we both try constantly to make eachother jealous, we hate eachother, and always fight, but @ the same time iittss love, and we are constantly laughinng and joking around with eachother.. idk I seriously never thought i could find someone, or a relationship so perfect .. again.. But shiiiit i did. And I'd be a damn fool, if i let dumbassss boys who just want some ass ruin that, while he's gone. Uhhhh i just can't wait for Puffin to get back :[ lmao.

3 [14 Apr 2007|07:20pm] My boyfriend is an alcoholic who constantly fucks up. & it scares the fuck out of me.

[11 Mar 2007|04:45pm] Whateevvv. Beg me to be your girlfriend, and you just go straight back to being the same asshole i've always known, making it impossible for me to ever want to be with you again. Was such a good week, ending so shitty. You have a way with bullshit words. "i miss you" "how can u miss me.. im right here." "i can't see your face.."

5 my babyygirlll. 10-5-89 - 2-25-07 [01 Mar 2007|12:07am] .. Sunday I lost my bestfriend. & i feel like shit. We hadn't seen eachother in a year. we haven't spoke in four months. But i loved that girl with all my heart. We were in one of our stupid fights like we always get into.. and we don't talk for awhile.. but we always make it back together.. well not this time. I always thought soon enough soon enough.. But now she's gone, and we can never make up again. I touched her hand.. it was so cold. it didn't feel like her hand when i used to hold it. Now everything i do, everywhere i go .. it reminds me of her. I miss her so fucking much. i never reealizd how good she was to me.. even looking at her livejournal.. or even mine.. I don't know i loved her. I did. N we never stopped saying it.. even when we were fighting.. "i love you always." She always told me how beautiful I was, and was always there for me.. And i never got the chance to be back there for her. my babygirls dead. my baby girl. And you didn't know her unless you knew her.. you know? She came off as a crazy bitch.. & she was ha, but not as much as u'd think.. she had a big heart. All she wanted was to be loved, and if u knew her.. you loved her. how do i tell her.. im sorry.. that she was online a week earlier and i debated whether or not i should im her and start talking to her again.. but i decided i was going to wait because i wasn't in a good mood? What the fuck was going through my head? I will never talk to her again. Her screenname won't ever sign on again.. I will never see her again. She will never sleep next to me. She will never hold my hand. she will never hold me again. and i will never get the chance to hold her. I don't even want to sleep in my bed. We used to come home drunk and pass out there. I don't want to be sitting in this chair because she always sat here. I don't want to do anything, until i see her again. i want to see her eyes. I want to hear her laugh.. but i won't .. nope never again. No more drunk dancing.. no more her packing my cigarettes.. no more sharing slurpees. No more baby girl.. no more. i think i'm numb though. This can't be real. I keep thinking it isn't.. you know. Maybe i'm dreaming.. maybe i'm going crazy. but she's gone. Her dad came up and hugged me.. and it was the best hug ive had in so long. I must say though , i do have great friends.. I got drunk monday.. for my babygirll.. i knew she'd just want me to be happy. She'd want me to take a shot for her.. so i did. A lot lol. Today in my e2020.. health we were doing a section on coping with losss.. like shoot me. And they asked me what u could do to help someone with cope.. and i honestly mean this with all my heart.. i wrote.. Dont ever ask them how they are holding up. I'm so sick of hearing that. I don't know.. Just i keep thinking.. i have angelas voice in my head "We think we are invincable.." and we don't have forever. honestly. we just think we do. But my baby girl finally got a reason to use her wings.

3 [02 Dec 2006|08:03pm] lmao.. email from my mom. made my day so much better. I am trying to get set up and use that" instant message" thing so that maybe you might talk to me more often so I need you to help me out with it ok? I got my phone connected today but I dont have a phone that works. Some people have offered to help me out and get me one that works . don't forgot I have a small present here for you, nothing elaborate but it's cute. So why don't you get someone from your "posse" to roll you over here and bring yo mama a couple of her favorite " Big Texas Cinnamon Rolls" and a Coca-Cola cause you know I didn't get any of that while I was up in the "Big House" doing my time. So you better hurry up and get back wit me cause I hate to be sending my jailhouse peeps to come for you! I love you, Yo Mama

2 [22 Nov 2006|09:36pm] ehh.My day was fucked. My mom called up @ my work, screaming at me, Saying my dad called her sayingI said shes on all these drugs, and that shes not allowed to see me anymore. And im trying to tell her i never said that, and she keeps on screaming @ me. So im so messed up, I accidently gave some guy an extra 10 dollars. so finnally im like whatever bye. So i call her back later and i told her i called her a crack head once and i said i was just kidding and she starts going crazier and calling me her slutty daughter and all this bullshit, so i hang up and run to the bathroom crying. But Joe followed me, and made sure i was okay and comforted me and told me albanian mother stories and told me not to let her get to me ha. he's so sweet. Then My dad starts going crazy on me when i get home. Calling me a fuckup and ur gonna be like your mom blah blah bullshit. and something in there about my nigger boyfriend i suposidly have. and i seriously don't know how i got stuck with such morons of fucking parents. I'd probably be better off without any. hmm. Well Katlyn's mom, said i can move in whenever i want. And katlyn and her family, which is my family, is the only people i can really stand, ha maybe besides her little brother. I dont know, I know i cant until I'm 17. cuz my dads bs. Which would be fiine. By then Ill be out of school. and hopefully have a car. trying so hard to keep my head up, and i know my shit aint that bad, but it seems like everyday it just keeps getting worst and worst. I seriously wish i just had at least ONE person to depend on. you knoowww.

[15 Nov 2006|10:59pm] strangers when we meet strangers on the street lovers while we sleep shit is horrible.

[11 Nov 2006|10:30pm] So close.. let me get closer. 3 MIP's fuckn suck.. I'm bad luck. ya hear?

[17 Oct 2006|09:31pm] Just like it started with a phone call, it ended.  But he's a lost cause, looking for an end to lonliness, but keeping on to old ways. A look so in depth, more than once. How can you feel so close to someone, be so close to someone, but not be? I don't know what kind of hold you  got on me, but it's a good oneee. makeyourmove.

[02 Oct 2006|10:50pm] could it be you.. actually calling me? and getting excited to hear my voice? who would've guessed it'd be you.. makingme smile. uhhhh : ) weird.

1 [27 Aug 2006|10:36pm] no more auntie chelsea :(

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